A few clouds. Low 66F. Winds S at 5 to 10 mph..

A few clouds. Low 66F. Winds S at 5 to 10 mph.

If you’ve ever spent a sleepless night wondering if two hamsters stink more than one or if there’s a national politician alive who hasn’t written a book, you’ll soon have the perfect opportunity to find out.

The last school day in September is Ask a Stupid Question Day. Teachers invented this red-letter day in the 1980s for students who fear asking “dumb” questions and being the object of hoots and eye rolls.

It’s a pity Ask a Stupid Question Day didn’t exist when this mouse completed 12 years of schooling. I still don’t know the whereabouts of the girls’ restroom on the second floor at South Junior.

One way to celebrate this important day is for participants to write their idiotic questions on slips of paper, which are pulled out of a hat and answered. No one gets ridiculed and everyone’s brain gets a workout while trying to answer such stumpers as why parents would name their baby “Lucifer” and why people can’t resist tearing the backs off old pictures to look for cash.

Students, employees and families can exercise their curiosity and celebrate Ask a Stupid Question Day, although anonymity might be tricky when there are only two players. Regardless, I can’t wait for the big day and already have a slate of dimwitted questions. For example:

Why does someone who doesn’t cook need 89 cookbooks? Does this person simply enjoy looking at pretty pictures of pumpkin fudge torte and apple cranberry slab pie?

Why does a person spend a small fortune year after year on railroad ties, compost, enriched soil, anti-rabbit fencing, garden seeds and plants to grow three buggy tomatoes the size of walnuts and one forlorn kohlrabi, whatever that is?

Why does a person who’s broke spend money buying piggy banks? And who in the world invented that adorable cast-iron froggy bank that gulps quarters placed on its tongue?

Why does a household with two sitters own 27 rusty vintage lawn chairs, two metal gliders and a porch swing? And is it still called a porch swing if you don’t have a porch and string it between trees?

And the most important question is, who’s the know-it-all with all the correct answers on Ask a Stupid Question Day?

Marti Attoun’s “Booth 186: My Secondhand Career in Vintage Corsets, Moose Heads and Other Moth-Eaten Antiques,” is available as an e-book on Amazon.

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